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第44部分（第2页）

Dan　had　been　thinking　about　this　more　than　ever　recently。　He　hadn’t　seen　Serena　since　before　Christmas；　four　days　ago。　He’d　called　her　tonight　to　invite　her　to　a　movie；　but　she　was　meeting　Blair。　Dan　had　gone　to　Film　Forum　alone；　and　surprised　himself　by　buying　a　ticket　to　the　new　Hollis　Lyons　film。

He’d　thought　about　Vanessa　the　whole　time；　which　made　sense；　since　it　was　her　ex’s　movie。　But　it　was　more　than　that。　He　was　thinking　about　Vanessa　and　her　film　grant；　and　how　excited　she　was　for　her　future。　Serena　wasn’t　like　that。　Serena　was　smart；　but　she　was　never　especially　ambitious。

Vanessa　sauntered　into　the　kitchen。　“Hey；”　she　said　casually。　She　didn’t　want　Dan　to　think　she’d　specifically　e　out　of　her　bedroom　to　see　him。　She　opened　the　refrigerator　and　made　an　elaborate　show　of　pawing　through　its　contents。

“I　don’t　think　there’s　anything　there。　I　haven’t　eaten　yet；　either。　Want　a　pizza？”　Dan　asked。

“Sure。”　Vanessa　shrugged。

Dan　moved　over　to　the　counter　and　ordered　a　large　double　cheese；　onion；　and　pepper。　He　turned　to　Vanessa　after　he　hung　up。　“Serena　had　plans　with　Blair；　so　I　saw　your　ex’s　movie　tonight。　The　one　about　the　Maoris　in　Iceland？”

“And？”　Vanessa　asked　curiously。　She　still　hadn’t　seen　it；　though　the　movie　posters　were　on　subway　cars　and　bus　shelters　everywhere。　She　really　didn’t　know　if　she　wanted　Dan　to　love　or　hate　the　film。

“You　could　have　done　it　better；”　Dan　added。　“I　can’t　wait　to　see　what　you　make　in　Indonesia。”

Vanessa　smiled；　her　heart　melting　a　little　bit。　That　was　exactly　what　she　wanted　to　hear。

Dan　grinned。　“Did　you　ever　think　this　is　who　you’d　bee？”　he　asked；　settling　onto　the　counter。

“What　do　you　mean？”

“I　mean—going　to　Indonesia。　Being　a　real　filmmaker。　Like；　back　when　you　were　eighteen；　wouldn’t　you　be　so　excited　if　you　knew　this　was　who　you’d　be　four　years　later？”　Dan　asked；　stirring　his　Folgers　coffee　crystals　into　his　favorite　chipped　white　mug。

“Yes；　I’d　be　excited。　But　I　always　thought…”　She　trailed　off。　She’d　meant　to　say　that　back　then；　whenever　she　imagined　her　future　life；　she　imagined　herself　and　Dan　together。　“I　don’t　know。”　She　shrugged；　not　finishing　the　sentence。　“What　about　you？”

Dan　closed　his　eyes。　He’d　thought　he’d　be　more　in　control　of　his　life；　be　more　sure　of　what　he　was　doing。　Of　course；　everything　seemed　perfect。　Outside　of　his　two　poems　in　The　New　Yorker；　he’d　been　published　in　some　of　the　most　prestigious　literary　journals　in　the　country。　He　was　dating　a　movie　star。　He　was　heading　to　the　best　grad　program　for　writing　in　the　world。　But　somehow；　something　seemed…　inplete。　“Yeah；　things　worked　out。”　Dan　shrugged。

“You　and　Serena　seem　good　together；”　Vanessa　offered　after　a　pause。　She’d　never　really　talked　about　Dan’s　relationship　with　Serena　before。

“Yeah；　she’s　great；”　Dan　said　distantly。　Serena　was　great。　But　no　matter　what；　they　didn’t　have　as　strong　a　connection　as　he　described　in　the　poems　he　wrote　about　their　relationship。　It　wasn’t　the　marriage　of　two　minds；　not　really。　It　was　more　like　falling　in　love　with　an　illusion　of　perfection。

Sounds　like　we’ve　got　the　beginnings　of　another　poem。

Just　then；　the　buzzer　rang。

“Saved　by　the　bell。”　Vanessa　grinned　as　she　stood　up　and　pulled　a　twenty　from　the　back　pocket　of　her　tight　black　jeans。　After　paying　the　delivery　boy；　she　set　the　steaming　box　of　pizza　on　the　coffee　table　in　the　living　room。

She　grabbed　a　slice　of　pizza　and　sat　cross…legged　on　the　scuffed　hardwood　floor。　This　was　what　she　was　going　to　miss：　the　Humphreys’　fortably　ramshackle　apartment；　Marx；　Norma；　and　the　overarching　feeling　of　pride　that　somehow；　despite　all　odds；　she’d　transformed　from　the　scrappy；　friendless　daughter　of　hippie　parents　from　Vermont　into　an　inspiring　young　filmmaker　who　mattered。

Dan　grabbed　a　slice　and　sat　down　next　to　her。　A　glob　of　sauce　landed　on　the　front　of　his　brown　sweater。

Vanessa　cracked　a　grin。　“I’d　have　thought　you’d　have　better　manners　four　years　later；　that’s　for　sure；”　she　said　as　he　dabbed　the　sauce　away　with　a　paper　napkin。

“That’s　for　sure；”　Dan　said　sheepishly　as　he　leaned　against　the　couch　and　took　a　large　bite　of　pizza。　Vanessa　smiled　fondly　at　him。　It　was　cute　the　way　he’d　spilled　all　over　himself。　It　was　nice　to　know　that　some　things　would　always　stay　the　same。

Another　small　glob　of　sauce　dripped　from　Dan’s　chin；　threatening　to　spill　onto　his　sweater。　“You’re　a　mess。”　She　shook　her　head　bemusedly　as　she　leaned　in　to　catch　it。　But　Dan　leaned　in　too；　and　suddenly；　their　lips　were　connecting。　Dan　tasted　like　pizza　and　coffee　and　something　else—a　Dan…ness　she’d　forgotten　she　missed。

Dan　leaned　closer　to　Vanessa；　running　his　fingers　through　her　thick；　shoulder…length　hair　and　tracing　the　back　of　her　neck　with　his　hand。

As　if　they　were　following　the　steps　to　a　dance　only　they　knew；　they　stood　without　breaking　their　kiss。　Vanessa　took　Dan’s　hand；　and　led　him　to　her　bedroom。

So　this　is　what　their　young