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第18章 爱无处不在（第2页）

"，whichbecamemysoftlylight，reliableretreat。WheneverIstartedtocry，Idexcusemyselfandruninthere，

IfinallystoedcryingwhenImetMatt，whowasquietandhungoutontheedgesoftheroom。Whenwedancedforthefirsttime，hewouldntevenlookatmeintheeyes。Buthewascute，andhetoldgreatstories。Webecamegoodbuddies，dancingeverydancetogetheruntiltheendofschool。Ilearnedfromhimmymostimortantearlylessonaboutromance：thattheotentialforloveexistsincorners，inthemostunlikelyaswellasthemostobviouslaces。

Foryearsmylovelifecontinuedtobeonelongtragicomicnovel。IncollegeIfellinlovewithatallEnglishmajorwhorodeamotorcycle。Hestoodmeuonoursixthdate—anafternoonofskydiving。Ijumedoutofthelanealoneandlandedinaarkinglot。

Inmymid-20sImovedtoNewYorkCitywhereloveisashardtofindasalegalarkingsot。MyfirstValentinesDaythere，IwentonadatetoacrowdedbarontheUerWestSide。Halfwaythroughdinner，mydateexcusedhimselfandneverreturned。

Atthetime，Ilivedwithabeautifulroommate。Flowersileduatourdoorlikesnowdrifts，andthelightontheansweringmachinealwaysblinkedinaanickyway，overloadedwithmessagesfromheradmirers。Limousinesurredoutside，withdateswaitingforherbehindtintedwindows。

Inmymind，lovewassomethingbehindatintedwindow，artaarition，artshadow，definitelyunreachable。WheneverIsottedhay-lookingcoules，Idwonderwheretheyfoundlove，andwanttofollowthemhomefortheanswer。

AfterafewyearsinthecityIgotmydreamjob—writingaboutweddingsforamagazinecalled7Days。Ihadtofindinterestingengagedcoulesandwriteutheirlovestories。IgottoasktotalstrangersthethingsIdalwayswantedtoknow。

Ifoundatleastonesureanswertothequestion

"Howdoyouknowitslove？

"Youknowwhentheeverydaythingssurroundingyou—theleaves，theshadeoflightinthesky，abowlofstrawberries—suddenlyshimmerwithakindofunreality。

Youknowwhenthetinydetailsaboutanothererson，onesthatareinsignificanttomosteole，seemfascinatingandincredibletoyou。Onegroomtoldmehelovedeverythingabouthisfuturewife，fromherhandwritingtothewayshescratchedontheiraartmentdoor，likeacatwhenshecamehome。Onebridesaidshefellinlovewithherfiancebecause

"Onenight，amothwasflyingaroundalightbulb，andhecaughtitandletitoutthewindow。Isaid，Thatisit。Heistheguy。

"

Youalsoknowitslovewhenyoucantstotalkingtoeachother。AlmosteverycouleIveeverinterviewedsaidthatontheirfirstorseconddate，theytalkedforhoursandhours。Forsome，fallinginloveislikewalkingintoasoundroofconfessionalbooth，alacewhereyoucantellall。

Findinglovecanbelikediscoveringagildedballroomontheothersideofyourdingyaartment，andatthesametimelikefindingaairofgreatoldbluejeansthatareexactlyyoursizeandseemasifyouvewornthemforever。Icanttellyouhowmanywomenhavetoldmetheyknewtheywereinlovebecausetheyforgottowearmakeuaroundtheirboyfriend。Orbecausetheyfellateasehangingaroundhiminflannelajamas。TheressomemoderntruthtoCinderellastale—itslovewhenyouveincrediblycomfortable，thentheshoefitserfectly。

Finally，Ithinkyouveinloveifyoucanmakeeachotherlaughattheveryworsttimes—whentheIRSisauditingyouorwhenyouredrivingaconvertibleinarainstormorwhenyourhairisturninggray。Assomeoneoncetoldme，90ercentofbeinginloveismakingeachotherslivesfunnierandeasier，allthewaytothedeathbed。

SevenyearsagoIstartedwritingaboutloveandweddingsfortheNewYorkTimesinacolumncalled

"Vows

"。AndnowthatIhavebeenonthisforsolong，astrangethinghashaened：Imconsideredanexertonlove。Thetruthis，loveisstillmostlyamysterytome。TheonlythingIcanconfidentlysayisthis：Loveisaslentifulasoxygen。Youdonthavetobethin，naturallyblond，suer-successful，sociallyconnected，knowledgeableaboutoliticsorevenarticularlycharmingtofindit。

Iveinterviewedmanyeolewhoweredownontheirluckineveryway—aballerinawithchronicbackroblems，ahysicistwhohadbeen112（hecounted）disastrousblinddates，aclarinetlayerwhowasasingledadandcouldbarelyaytherent。Butlove，whentheyfoundit，broughthumor，candlelight，home-cookedmeals，fun，adventure，oetryandlongconversationsintotheirlives。

Wheneoleaskmewheretofindlove，Itellastoryaboutoneofmyfirstjobinterviews。Itwaswithaneditoratafamousliterarymagazine。Ihadnoexerienceorskills，andhedidntforonesecondconsiderhiringme。ButhegavemesomeadviceIwillneverforget。Hesaid，

"Gooutintotheworld。Workhardandconcentrateonwhatyoulovetodo，writing。Ifyoubecomegood，wewillfindyou。

"

ThatswhyIalwaystelleolelookingforlovetowaitforthat

"Iwonthelottery

"feeling—wait，wait，wait！Dontreadarticlesabouthowtotra，seduceorhynotizeamate。Dontworryaboutyourlistickoryourheight，becauseitsnotgoingtomatter。Justliveyourlifewell，takecareofyourself，anddonthoetoomuch。Lovewillfindyou。

Eventuallyitevenfoundme。At28，Imetmyhusband。Atastationerystore，Iwasbuyingatyewriterribbon，andhewaslookingatFilofaxes。Irememberthathiseyeserfectlymatchedhisfadedjeans。Heremembersthatmysneakerswerefullofsand。Hestilltalksaboutthosesneakersandhowtheyevokedhischildhood—bonfiresbytheocean，drivingonthesandinanoldJee—allthosethingsthathecherished。

HowdidIknowthatitwastruelove？Ourfirstrealdatelastedforninehours：wejustcouldntstotalking。Ihadneverbeenabletodanceinmylife，butIcoulddancewithhim，erfectlyinste。Ihavelearnedthatitslovewhenyoufinallystotriingoveryourtoes。

Ayearafterwemet，wemarried。

Ihavecometocherishwritingthe

"Vows

"column。WitheachstoryIhear，Ihaveroofthatlove，otimism，guts，grace，erfectartnersandgoodluckdo，infact，exist。Love，inmyoinion，isnotafantasy，notthestuffofromancenovelsorfairytales。Itsasgrittyandrealasthesubway，itcomesaroundjustasregularly，andaslongasyoucanstickitoutonthelatform，youwontmissit。